Current:Home > NewsNarcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.-DB Wealth Institute B2 Expert Reviews
Narcissists have a type. Are you a narcissist magnet? Here's how to tell.
View Date:2025-01-11 13:41:13
Plenty of people have a "type" when it comes to dating. Narcissists are no exception.
Mental health experts warn some people are narcissist magnets − meaning they attract people who exhibit grandiosity, lack of empathy and other narcissistic traits.
These people tend to be high in empathy and other qualities narcissists prey on, or they have attributes like beauty, wealth or status that bring narcissists attention and validation, also known as narcissistic supply.
"Narcissists need narcissistic supply, meaning attention, validation and recognition from other people to fuel their grandiose sense of self," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "That means narcissists will naturally be drawn to people who are highly agreeable, who go with the flow, want to keep the peace, don't like conflict."
Are you a narcissist magnet?
Narcissists exploit others' empathy; so, if you're highly empathic, you're going to be appealing to narcissists.
"People who tend to attract narcissists are those who assume the best in others or always see someone's potential or who believe everyone can change and deserves a second chance," Cole says. "These patterns include things like overthinking, being easily guilted, second-guessing yourself, assuming the best in people, having a compassionate heart and being sensitive to others' feelings."
Narcissists target empaths because they tend to share their vulnerabilities more quickly, thus giving narcissists ammunition to hurt or manipulate them, explains Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse."
One way narcissists get empaths to open up is by revealing their own traumas early into dating.
"Humans do social reciprocity," Sarkis says. "When you're an empathic person, we tend to respond in kind, because this person just shared this stuff with us, so we are more likely to share our stuff when it's too early to do that. Keep in mind: People earn our vulnerability."
Are you dating a narcissist?Watch out for these red flags.
Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and author of "Should I Stay or Should I Go?: Surviving a Relationship with a Narcissist," says people who grew up in narcissistic family systems can also fall into narcissistic relationships if they haven't worked on their trauma bonds.
She also says people who grew up in loving families may be magnets, since they tend to approach relationships with more naivete, as are those going through big life transitions, since they tend to be more emotionally vulnerable.
"Interestingly, people from incredibly happy families can be vulnerable, because they believe in love and they believe love can solve everything and all relationship problems can get worked out," she says. "They might also get locked into a cycle of forgive, forgive, forgive."
Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.
Do you keep attracting narcissists? Here's what to know:
If you think you might be a narcissist magnet, mental health experts offer the following tips for dating:
- Channel your inner cynic: Durvasula urges narcissist magnets to stay wary of love bombing and vigilant of red flags. "Generally in life, if it's too good to be true, it is," she says.
- Trust your intuition: "For empaths and highly sensitive people, the most important thing they can learn to do is to start trusting their intuition and their gut feelings," Cole says. "If you can start trusting how you feel and start leaning into your intuition rather than getting upset with it or judging it, that will be very helpful."
- Don't feel rude about leaving a date early: "We also need to normalize leaving a situation without feeling like we're being rude," Sarkis says. "Sometimes you have to just leave if you see some of these behaviors, because the longer you're sitting there with a narcissist, the more chances they have to pull you in."
- Know yourself: The better you know yourself – your values, preferences, strengths and weaknesses − the harder for narcissists to manipulate you. "The more you know about you, the less likely you are to believe what the narcissist says about you," Cole says. "A narcissist will continually gaslight you and try to control the narrative in the relationship and try to paint you as someone you're not."
- Learn what a healthy relationship looks like: "I'm struck by how many people say, 'I guess I've always worked off a checklist. I wanted someone who was hot, and I wanted someone who had a great job, and I wanted someone where we could have this really nice life and buy a house.' That's all nice stuff, but what about the kindness, the compassion, the respect, the mutuality, the reciprocity?" Durvasula says. "I can tell you, as a shrink, that's the only thing that matters."
More:What happens when a narcissist becomes a parent? They force their kids into these roles.
veryGood! (3)
Related
- Question of a lifetime: Families prepare to confront 9/11 masterminds
- Doja Cat Has Our Attention With Sheer Look on 2024 Grammys Red Carpet
- They met on a dating app and realized they were born on same day at same hospital. And that's not where their similarities end.
- Bond denied for suspect charged with murder after Georgia state trooper dies during chase
- Who will save Florida athletics? Gators need fixing, and it doesn't stop at Billy Napier
- Denny Hamlin wins moved-up Clash at the Coliseum exhibition NASCAR race
- How to watch and stream the Grammy Awards, including red carpet arrivals and interviews
- Aston Barrett, bassist for Bob Marley & The Wailers, dies at 77
- Tony Todd, star of 'Candyman,' 'Final Destination,' dies at 69
- Wisconsin police officer fatally shoots armed motorist after chase
Ranking
- Kansas basketball vs Michigan State live score updates, highlights, how to watch Champions Classic
- Are you happy? New film follows a Bhutan bureaucrat who asks 148 questions to find out
- Funeral held for 7 of the 8 victims in Joliet-area shootings
- Do your kids want a dog? Science may be on their side
- Kate Hudson and Goldie Hawn’s SKIMS Holiday Pajamas Are Selling Out Fast—Here’s What’s Still Available
- Many cities have anti-crime laws. The DOJ says one in Minnesota harmed people with mental illness
- Second powerful storm in days blows into California, sparking warnings of hurricane-force winds
- What's going on at the border? A dramatic standoff between Texas and the White House.
Recommendation
-
Maine dams face an uncertain future
-
Mike The Situation Sorrentino and Wife Save Son From Choking on Pasta in Home Ring Video
-
Doja Cat Has Our Attention With Sheer Look on 2024 Grammys Red Carpet
-
How a Vietnam vet found healing as the Honey-Do Dude
-
Dick Van Dyke says he 'fortunately' won't be around for Trump's second presidency
-
Taking the SAT in March? No need to sharpen a pencil
-
U.S. begins strikes to retaliate for drone attack that killed 3 American soldiers
-
Red carpet looks from the 2024 Grammy Awards
Like
- Advance Auto Parts is closing hundreds of stores in an effort to turn its business around
- Fighting for a Foothold in American Law, the Rights of Nature Movement Finds New Possibilities in a Change of Venue: the Arts
- Are you happy? New film follows a Bhutan bureaucrat who asks 148 questions to find out